Another non sewing-related post – Blame it on the hormones
It was 5:30 am. I woke you up. Told you that time had arrived. The baby, “your baby”, which you didn’t know was to be your little sis, had decided to come. It was still dark outside. But you didn’t protest. You didn’t turn around and mutter you wanted to sleep some more, like I would have expected any 4-year old. You woke up and started getting ready to go to friends while daddy and I would be in the hospital. You were so cool, so collected. I know we had been preparing you for this moment for months, but I was impressed. 4 years old and so grown up already! How come? Am I doing something wrong? Do I let you be the child you should be? I was trying to keep it together as well, though one stronger contraction did have me lose it and raise the voice at you for not putting on your shoes fast enough. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the thought emerged that I didn’t want you to associate you little sis with the one time mommy screamed at you the loudest. “Doing something wrong again” is what I thought for half a second. There are so many of these thoughts when you’re a parent. They strike like a blitz and stick like a plague. But I digress. We went outside. On the way to the car, daddy was still in the apartment taking care of our luggage, another contraction seized me. I stopped walking and leaned against a wall, trying not to moan too loud not to frighten you. You looked at me kind of curious, eyes filled with compassion, asked me what was wrong. I told you my back was aching. You started massaging my lower back the best you could, just like I massage you when you ache. To be honest, your little hands didn’t help with the pain much, still I had to smile. Then and there, in the dawn, in the cold, in the empty front yard, I knew I must be doing something right. I’m so proud of the little girl you’ve become and hope you never doubt my love for you.